If I Were Brave by Jana Stanfield [Sponsored by Awesome Women Hub]

Talk Radio WIND John and Amy - Flying Wheelchairs

This post was in response to the John and Amy Show on WIND Radio. They were discussing the story about a disabled man who was removed from a flight because he was disabled and he was flying without any assistant. This man was a public speaker and had flown many thousands of miles without an assistant.

Why haven't planes been designed so that at least 4 seats work much like a ride at Disney World? A non-ambulatory individual could transfer into a plane seat and be pushed into the plane and locked down. And before anyone starts thinking, "sure, we have to make things special for THESE PEOPLE", I contend that what is out there is specialized. Only people who can walk can use what is out there easily and economically. Whereas, the 4 seats can be used by all people. I say, arbitrarily 4 seats because I cannot imagine needing more than that on any given flight but even 2 seats would be bonus. I am saying that when new planes are built that modifications could be made that would accommodate EVERYONE.

Beauty Is In The Eye Of The Beholder

I am preparing to join a group of people from all over that are dedicated to making the world a better place.  My Braveheart Sisters and Brothers Rise Convention and Awards.  It is very scary for me.  First, because it has been a long time since I have traveled and I know the rules of traveling become more involved every day.  Second, I am much heavier than I have ever been which makes getting around very difficult and no matter what I put on I feel ugly.  I hope that I can take care of myself and be able to maneuver with relative ease.  I want so much to be a part of this world that is "value added", that gives encouragement and hope.  Yet at the same time the old tapes "your not smart enough, your not pretty enough, your not interesting enough, who do you think you are, hell your feet are so swollen you will have to wear socks to the red carpet event wonder if I will even be admitted"  My friends, I am sharing only the kinder old voices.  But as I think of this I am reminded of one of my favorite "Twilite Zone" episodes..."The Eye of The Beholder" In this episode people were segregated because of their differences.  That is what normally happens with me, I go off on my own.  Because of my fierce independence I am perceived as not "gimpy" enough by some and, because I do require some help from time to time I am perceived as too "gimpy" by others.  So, it feels as If I fit in nowhere.  However, when I am willing to "step up and step out" of my comfort zone, I find people that have "inner vision" and behold all with compassion and respect and understand that our differences make us strong and bind us heart to heart.  I will be bringing back photos and stories from this event and I would wish for everyone that you too find like minded people.

Where's Your Mind At

Isn't perception everything?  Back in the 1980's I was working as an Administrative Assistant in the office of Disabled Student Services at The University of Wisconsin Whitewater.  The Director at the time was an incredible human being.  He cared very much for the students he served and endeavored to assist individuals in becoming as independent as possible.  He was also a prolific writer.  Transcribing his musings sometimes could only be described as pure joy.  As an example one time he was writing a member of Congress because the Post Office in Whitewater was housed in a building that was an Historic Marker and could not be adapted for use by people with mobility limitations.  So in this letter he wrote "can't we give people with disabilities franking privilege?  Congress has them and we all know how disabled they are!"  I laughed all morning at that one.  Anyway, back to the original story.  Let me set the stage for you.  I was just newly into the workforce after attending a government sponsored program where I took 23 credits in 2 semesters and got a diploma (3.4 GPA).  Prior to enrolling in the training program I had been attending the university full time while trying to raise three children as a single parent, nursing an alcohol addiction and fighting an ugly custody battle.  My life was unraveling, but even more painful to watch was the hurt that this living situation was causing for my children.  I made the hardest decision that I have ever had to make in my life and that was to end the custody battle and relinquish my children to their father and his new wife. (I will write about this in another posting)  So, I went into treatment and quit drinking, got my diploma and got employment.  I had very little money and the schoolgirl's wardrobe that I had consisted of blue jeans and sweat suits.  Not suitable for the position of Office Administrative Assistant.  So off I went to the second hand shop and purchased 4 skirts and 5 sweaters and one strand of pretty opalescent yellow beads.  I had spent a walloping $11.50 (the fifty cents was over my budget and was for the strand of beads.) and was ready to work.  One of the first projects that I needed to tackle was setting up a resource room that was a joint venture of The Division of Vocational Rehabilitation and the University.  I had to order everything from the carpeting on the floor to the pencils in the drawer.  Per State requirement anything under $75 had to be ordered on a quick order done in triplicate.  One of the major components of this resource room was reading literature.  Magazines to be exact. My mission was to stock the resource room with information regarding many different areas of living with a disability.  The University was big on sport participation of its disabled student body so I was expressly charged with finding the latest and greatest sources of information regarding base BALL, basket BALL, foot BALL, golf, bowling etc.  One morning as I was plodding through assembling my 60 or so quick orders regarding disabled sports, the Director strolled into my office in his impeccable Armani suit, smelling of expensive European cologne announcing "Life is a team sport!", without thinking I replied "If you got the balls for it!" (I should tell you that I really believe that he was a closet chauvinist) As quickly as that fell off my lips I heard a loud sucking noise from him that took every ounce of air out of the room and in panic I looked at him and said "oh shit I killed the boss, this will not look good on my resume"  I said, " you know, bowling BALLS, golf BALLS"  When he finally regained his composure he said "we should make a T-shirt with that on it" we never did.

Acting What Fun!!

One of the opportunities I have had was to be in what is called an "Industrial". These are videos that are used to train people at certain companies. The Industrial I was in was for Walgreens. It was intended to train their new hires on how to handle different situations. One of my desires is to be able to allow access to realistic images of persons with disabilities and by so doing allowing for greater acceptance. I was inspired by an interview of Ruby Dee and Ossie Davis where they were talking about their passion and sense of responsibility in presenting realistic images of Black America.

Now in 2010 I want to get myself back in shape and "Say yes to who I am". I say get myself in shape not out of vanity but because performing takes endurance and strength, both physical and emotional. To be able to present realistic images of someone with a disability and to promote the understanding that we are all people first.

Encouragement Comes In Many Ways

In 2007 Ben Vareen spoke at a luncheon I attended.  We spoke briefly after his presentation and because our time was limited he asked me to send him a letter about my experiences.  It is now 2010 and I am still working on getting back to doing what I enjoy.  That is performing, whether it be singing, film, theatre or voice-over, I am totally "there" when I am doing something in the performance arts.  I never heard back from Mr. Vareen, I had to send the letter through the public relations department at Independence First, so sometimes I wonder if it even went out.  Because he was willing to share his experiences, the sparks that seemed as if they had been extinguished were reignited and once again I was encouraged to continue pursuing my dreams.  Also, in reflecting on what he said to me, it reminded me how blessed I am.  Isn't it funny that 3 years later I am still encouraged by this encounter?  I hope that I can offer the same encouragement to someone else on their travels.  

The following is the letter I wrote:

"Dear Mr. Vareen,

I cannot even begin to convey how much your presentation at the Power Luncheon for Independence First meant to me.  Thank you, thank you, and thank you!!! You reminded me of what my hearts desire is and your willingness to share your struggles and seeing your ability to rise above them has given me the courage to try harder to pursue my dreams. 

Awesome Women Hub: en-COURAGE-ment... when you share your successes, it enCOURAGEs other Awesome Women... share away here!

I saw the above post this morning and this is what I posted back:  "After reading all of the fabulous comments here I am enCOURAGEd to continue writing my book. I am writing that book via a blog site that I have started Positivelypj.   Recently I stopped posting because of the noise and old tapes that say, this doesn't really matter to anyone. But I hope that working through alcohol/drug addiction, disability, and attempted suicide to where I am today will encourage others to keep on keepin on. That is one of the reasons I am so proud to be a member of this group of women...so much courage so much energy. I will get back to writing tonight, the name of the book is "The View From Here, Bellybuttons and Backsides" I hope you will join me and leave comments about what would be most beneficial for you to read more about. Hugs and Happy day to you hugs!"


If you would like more information on this group you can find their page on Facebook at Awesome Women Hub.  


Also, I am going to stick with this larger font so that it is easier for people to read.


Let the posting begin :)

Humor In The Moment

I was thinking today about how easy it is to take life too seriously.  How I can worry about what others will think and fear making a mistake. The times that I remember the most are those moments when the guards were down and I was completely in the moment.

The next series of posts will have the label "humor in the moment", as I share these stories if you click on that label they will all come up for you.

How Can I Embarrass Myself, Let Me Count The Ways

It is said that the lowest form of humor is the pun.  However, I cannot help myself, I love word play.  There is one caveat though, you should think before you speak (that was directed at myself).

Today I was speaking with a customer (who fortunately knows me and knows my sense of humor), we were discussing a bill that he had and how to convert his consumption from hundred cubic feet to gallons.  He started to try and make the conversion verbally with great difficulty, (it was a very large consumption with a tiered rate).  I said "hold on, let me get the calculator or Ill have to take off more than my shoes to figure this out!"   As I thought about what I had said, the customer only replied "Oh?"  My face flushed I said, "I only have 10 fingers and 10 toes, anything over 20 gets figured out on the calculator is what I meant."

The Little Elevator That Wouldn't/The Person That Will

Yesterday was quite interesting, actually it started Sunday night when I found out the elevator in my apartment building wasn't working.  This is not a good thing as stairs and I are not friends.  If you didn't notice from the photo, I don't walk and having someone take me up or down stairs in my wheelchair is not an option.  First of all I am way too heavy and I would be afraid of hurting whoever was trying to help me and secondly I am terrified of falling and getting hurt myself.  I don't live on a ground floor because I like the ability to look out my window at any time of the day or night and be relatively sure that there won't be anyone staring back at me.

So, yesterday as I waited for the elevator repairman to complete the repairs, I called into work and took a vacation day.  All set to work on this blog, I pulled up to the computer and......fell asleep.  Sheesh!!!!
I think that learning all this new fangeld stuff is a bit daunting, so I may have to take some baby steps.  I hope you will hang in there with me and be inspired to start whatever project or journey you would like to take, no matter how huge it seems.

The first thing I will do with this blog is to make an entry a day, because  "a journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step".  I believe that, as with learning anything new, being consistent will be the key to success.  As I progress, the vision of my book will emerge, and I will be adding photos and content regarding the weight loss journey.  Thanks for joining me!

Oh yes, so what do the elevator and the person have to do with each other?  Both, with a little bit of care and encouragement will get going and get where they're going.

My Family and I

What an incredible day Mother's Day was, I got to spend time with my family.  It gives me great joy to be around them and to hear about their lives and to see them loving and respecting each other and the love and respect they show me.

Ok, so that is my mommy version.  I can see the eye balls "rollin" in the back of 5 little faces when they read this.  But all the teasing that goes on shows me that there is enough love and trust to do that.  By all that laughing that goes on when we're together shows me that we accept each other just as we are.  With all the stories that we have to share shows me that we are interesting people with interesting lives.  For all of this and more I am so grateful!!!

Thank you family!!!

A Weight Loss Story

Hayden House of Healing

I had been hiding behind my computer, playing "World of Warcraft", stuffing my face with fast food wondering "what difference will it make to anyone if my character makes level 80?"

Anyone who knows me at all knows that this is just not me. Prior to my incredibly fat life, I worked full time, enjoyed time with my family and friends, auditioned for local theater and performed on stage. While I was hiding I just worked and ate and played..7 days a week. It was getting to the point where I was having difficulties taking care of myself. Getting dressed was a challenge let alone personal care and activities of daily living. I was very scared, I was afraid that I would have to go to a nursing home.

I had tried dealing with my weight before. When I went to the doctor the best he could offer was, "you need a bigger wheelchair". A sense of false bravado came over me as I replied "no, I need a smaller ass and you need to help me." As cheeky and confident as that may sound, this response left me despondent. I had tried the health clubs (I will post the pictures and articles as soon as I get them scanned in). Yep, that was supposed to be me, "FULLY ALIVE IN 2005" the headline read. I had been working out at a local gym, nothing was really very wheelchair friendly so it took a bit of doing to get in and out of the pool and hot tub and transfer onto the work stations. So much so that I blew my shoulder out. This put me in a lot of pain so I had to stop working out for a bit.

Pain seems to be a big trigger for me to eat. Probably because I wasn't sleeping well, I would use food to wake me up and food to put me to sleep. The newspaper was supposed to follow me good, bad and ugly. The idea was to create "reality news entries" so therefore the outcome was not a given and if it didn't go as planned the original idea was to follow the journey, detours and all to a final successful outcome. After the first week when I didn't loose weight, the story was dropped. The editors wanted a success story and mine did not appear to be working out that way.

The Mom Song with lyrics

Mother's Day is a mere few hours away and I am sure my kids remember some of these however, no ipods when they were small and no texting either. I am so very lucky to have 3 grown children who have lived through all these momisims and some of mine, and they still seem to like me!

"You need 13 hugs a day to be healthy"
"I could not have possibly farted! Mom's don't pass gas, it is right here in the Official Mother's Manual"
"You got to stand for something or you will fall for anything"
"If you want to soar with eagles don't hang out with turkeys"
"I brought you into this world....."